I had the opportunity to have a couple of discussions this weekend that left me in a weird state of mind. Over the last year, I have made quite the effort to rid myself of the incessant need to analyze and rationalize everything that has to do with God and spirituality. I have a tendency to swing to extremes (not a surprise for anyone who knows me) and lately I've been wondering why I spent so much time studying philosophy and theology, if I wasn't able to apply any of it in my life. Things such as being a dad, a husband, a friend, and a follower of Christ seemed to not mesh well with a consistent need to filter my ideas and thoughts through the lens of philosophy and theology.
However, this seemed to be a bit extreme to me. I have a lot of things that brew inside my head. Ideas that are just begging to come out, but I don't seem to have the same audience here to bounce them off of. For this reason, I've pushed them aside and only focused on the here and the now. The "existential" side of life. My experience and feelings.
This weekend was a breath of fresh air. I got to ask questions that I haven't asked in a while... but had been brewing for a long time. No, I didn't receive any answers for these questions, but that's okay. I also got great answers for other questions I had and was able to tie together some thoughts I had with my experiences and feelings.
I'm not sure yet why this is significant. But deep down I know it is. Have you ever felt that way? You know something big is going on inside, but you can't put your finger on it? Sometimes it comes to light in a "moment", and other times you look back over months or years and then see the significance. I love that about life. You never know what you're going to get.
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