Battle Tested

I often confuse my anxiety about my situation in life for doubt and fear. Maybe it's both. For those who know me closely, you know I'm one to take risks. I make emotional decisions with little regard to detail. This has led to a lot of excitement in my life, but it has also cost me stability in many ways.

As I sit and think about the situation I'm in, I think of being battle tested. Maybe this is the real thing, maybe it's not. Either way it hurts.... but it's also good. That's the paradoxical theme of my life lately. Pain, hurt, frustration, overlaying a strange foundation of peace, confidence, and courage. Too often I allow the layers of bad to get too thick and it takes more than shaking it off to relieve myself of the weight.

Once again, I'm looking around for the sledgehammer to crash down on me. Maybe it already has but I'm too battle tested and hardened to know it. This is a good thing. When I can take the blows of life in stride and keep moving forward... that is when I know I'm ready.