Thinking it Through

I have a problem. I stay in my head too much. I try to rationalize things to a level that takes away any possibility of something other than what was experienced. My life in Christianity has been filled with these moments. Places where I had the possibility to experience or sense something outside myself. Something bigger than myself. Something divine. But my mind goes to work. I think about it, ponder the possibilities, look at my experience through the lens of Immanuel Kant, and then disregard it.

For a long time I thought if I could study enough, think hard enough, and ask the right questions, I could know God. That was the box I put Him in. The box of my mind. If I couldn't fathom it, it couldn't be real.

Does this seem foreign to any of you? Can anyone relate with this?

This was my process that lasted for years and years, and drove me into agnosticism. It's a dangerous trap because everything I studied was for a "greater cause". I was studying theology, philosophy, and losing touch with reality.

I realized that Kant's intentions were good. He wanted to put religion, God, faith, into a category of the unknowable, in order to make room for faith. That was the part that was missing. Faith. I had to trust that even though I may not understand why things happened, I needed to trust that God's intentions were actually "good". (thank you C.S. Lewis) This was a hard pill for me to swallow. But it has been life changing for me.

A good friend said "Phil, you stay in the intellectual world so you don't have to get involved in the real world." Ouch... that one stung a little bit. But he was right. It was my crutch to avoid accountability and involvement.

What excuses do you make for not getting involved in helping people and changing lives? I've shared mine... it's your turn.