My Version of God

I'm a product of my environment, upbringing, education, social class, and birthplace. So much about my surroundings and environment shape who I am. It's difficult to think outside this sphere I live in. What's even more interesting, is how I put God within this sphere as well. I can't help it. It's a part of how I was created. I have to think in terms of my sphere.

I say this to give a reason as to why I think the way I do. I have a version of God that I have found "liveable" and within the possibility of relational. This has been a difficult task for me over the last 7 years. I have often been angry at God, or just denied his existence. Scripture doesn't make this any easier. There are things in Scripture that point to a version of God that I don't like. It's one that I have difficulty accepting, or at least the general interpretation of Him.

So here's my question, do you think it's okay to live life this way? Is this irreverant? Should I just accept the standard knowledge and practice of what's around me and fall in line to a picture of God that is very likely to be true... even though it upsets me to the point of anger and frustration? My version of who God is doesn't deny what he's told us about himself in Scripture, it just chooses to look at him though a different lens than normal. It's a lens that allows me to trust, to build a relationship upon. It isn't heretical, and it isn't ignoring scripture, it's just different.

Enough Serious Stuff

My last few posts have been pretty serious in nature and it's time for a change. If you haven't had a chance to check out this blog... do. It's one of the funniest sites I've seen in a long time. (As a warning, it can get PG-13/R rated so be forewarned. Most of it's clean though.)

"My Perspective" on perspectives

I think too much. I like to dig deep, figure out, question, rant, rave, and basically just discuss things. It's because I process information better when I discuss it. I work through things in conversation. I know a lot of people who are like me.

That got me thinking. Why is it that most teaching is done in one particular style that enhances only part of the audience's ability to process the information being shared?

What would that look like in a church? For so long, the only medium that was available for teaching was the traditional method of preaching, or group discussion. But technology allows us to do so much more and I see the church embracing this. That's a good thing.

However (and you knew there'd be a caveat), I find it strange that we don't apply this same thinking to who gives information and what sources it comes from. We have the ability to gather massive amounts of information instantly yet we somehow think the best method is to continue to get one perspective in the same learning style over, and over, and over. Yes, I know the pastor usually sources lots of material and gathers information for their speech, but it still is just one perspective on that particular information.

What would it look like when ideas that are shared are contributed by those involved in the community, or even outside the community? How effective would it be for all learning mediums to be explored and options for each so that everyone has a choice to learn in the style that is best suited for them? Would it be powerful to empower and hold people responsible for their contribution to the group. Would this in turn benefit everyone? How could you place filters in the process without shutting everyone out?

I have no idea whether these things would work or not. I'm still processing it all. Just wanted to share and gather ideas.

Excess

So I'm sitting in church yesterday and we all had the privilege of listening to a guy who is a spokesperson for a wonderful ministry called Manna Worldwide. I'm a big fan of ministries and organizations that look to provide the necessities of life for those locally and around the world that don't have the opportunities that we have. If you haven't had a chance to check them out... do (don't mind the cheesy music on their website).

Anyways, it got me thinking of God and his provisions or lack thereof. I can honestly say I don't get it. I've had the privilege to have to rely on faith for my family's provisions for two years now. It's been a roller coaster ride but I know that God has provided. Most of the time, in the nick of time (less than $3 in the bank account) and I don't understand why he keeps blessing. Maybe it's a generational thing. My parents have been unbelievably faithful throughout their life. Maybe it's because of faith, or because that even when we didn't have money, we gave and fulfilled our commitments. I don't know, but I'm not sure I know what to make of it.

We are one of the most wasteful, self-seeking nations in the world, but also one of the most charitable. But is our time of prosperity running out? It reminds me of a song by Ben Folds that goes "God made us number one cause he loves us the best, but maybe he should bless someone else for a while and give us a rest.."

Don't you think other parts of the world deserve a little "blessing" from God? I know this is absolutely futile to think of this stuff. I can't know the answers. I guess it all goes back to the question that has brought me out of a lot of places in life and that is.... Do I trust that God is who He says He is?

So my question is, do you ever feel guilty about the things you have? Even with the little bit that some of us have, it's so much more than the vast majority of the world. How much is too much? Obviously God can bless beyond measure (solomon). Maybe this system wasn't designed for equal measure. All i know is that I'll never figure it out. If I do, look for me on TBN or at a church near you.

Busy Times

I was looking back and noticed that I haven't been blogging as often. I'm sorry for the one or two of you that check this out on a frequent basis. Things have been a little crazy here. We just launched a new product called KidCheck. It's security check-in/check-out for daycares. I must admit that the response has been a welcome change from the crickets chirping that was experienced with our last product offering.

I don't have anything substantive to offer today (not sure if anything i've offered could be classified as that either). Just wanted to check in and make sure to update this thing. I'll be posting more over the next few days. I look forward to the continued dialogues and thoughts as I share my journey with you all.

Relationships

I don't know if any of you find this true, but relationships are very difficult. You think you get it dialed in and life changes, thus the relationship changes as well. This is the story of my life.

The obvious example would be relationships with my wife or kids. But a more pressing issue for me right now (not that those things aren't important) is the relationship I have/don't have with God right now. I have a hard time expressing what is going on but i'll try.

As most of you know, I was a closet agnostic for about 6 years and have since come back to a realization of the existence of, and a relationship with... my creator. This has been difficult at best, but I find myself and a different place right now.

I need to hear from God. I have this need or needs that aren't being met and I am finding it difficult to get to the root. Odds are, it's something I've done or not done that is screwing it all up, but I don't know. I just feel something missing.

Ever get this way? I'm sure you all have, at some point in your life been here. But here's the kicker. I'm not after that. I don't want to hear someone else's story. I don't want to have to listen to someone else tell me their version of "the truth" or how "their" relationship happens. This may sound strange but I'm tired of listening to everyone else. It's not what I need. How God interacts with you is exactly that. It's with you and for you only. That's the beauty of Christianity. There are guidelines of how this all works, but most of the story is personal in nature and will change from person to person.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not proclaiming some version of subjective truth, or relativity of morals and religion. What I am proclaiming is the unique and personal relationship that each of us get to experience with God. Our past, how we process information, our personality, our experience, all colors the lens through which we see and experience God. This is all filtered through scripture and the Holy Spirit. What it ends up as, is unique to each of us. It's amazing isn't it?

That's what I'm after. My experience. My version. My lens.

This is rant more than anything. You're more than welcome to share your story, just keep in mind it's "your" story and while some may resonate with mine, don't take offense at the other parts that may not.

What a weekend

I just came back from a weekend that can't be expressed any better than saying it was one of the best things i've ever done in my life. I had the opportunity to climb an 1100 foot granite cliff with a very close friend. There is something about being several hundred feet off the ground and having your life in the hands of a good and trustworthy friend. I'm close with this guy, but sharing these types of experiences can't help but bring people closer together.

I can't wait to do it again and to experience things like this with my wife and kids if for no other reason than how it would bring us even that much closer than we already are. Just wanted to share a bit of excitement from my world.

Entitlement

I have a sense of entitlement. I was born this way. I am entitled to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. I'm also entitled to freedom of speech, the right to bear arms, and to decide where I'll live, what religion I'll belong to, and what I'll feed my family. There are a lot of things that I'm "entitled to" but I've come to realize that this perception of entitlement is based solely on where I was born and what time period I was born into.

Had this been 14th century England, I'd have a different set of ideals and not as much of a sense of entitlement. The truth is, it wasn't until the enlightenment in the 17th and 18th centuries that people began centralize the self. The self became the measure and center of knowledge. Before this time, knowledge came from outside and tied into the self. After the enlightenment (Descarets, Hume, Kant) knowledge started with the self, and worked outwards.

This is a significant shift in that people before this time, were apt to accept life the way it was handed to them. Evil, pain, suffering, it was just a part of life. There wasn't as much of a sense of entitlement as to what we "should" have or what we "deserved". It was more of an acceptance of the way things were.

Are we better off with this mindset of entitlement? How would a lack of entitlement change the way we view God and those things of theology and religion that we hold so dear? Do you think there would be a problem of evil? How would predestination fit without a sense of entitlement to make you think you "need" to play a part in the process?

Just some food for thought.

Selfish

I was thinking about something I read by Chuck Klausterman the other day. He posed a question in his book IV: "think of the best decision you've ever made in your life. Now think of the worst decision you've ever made. Think about the motivations behind these decisions... how similar are they?"

This got me thinking. I've done a lot of stupid things in my life and it seems the common motivation was selfishness. I wanted what I wanted and took it. Or I wanted to do what I wanted to do, and did it. It was all about me. Then I thought about some of the great decisions I've made. Salvation for one. What was my motivation behind that decision? Selfishness was the answer again.

I chose this path out of self preservation and fear. But that leaves a problem. If the act of salvation is based upon the greatest cause of sin in the world... selfishness, then how do we reconcile that?

This is where I realized that the act of salvation isn't one that I can perform. It's God's grace that saves me. I do nothing.. in fact, if I actually do make a choice, it's based on a sinful nature and selfishness. Is there anything wrong with that? No. I don't think there is. It's the way we are wired. I just found it amazing how we can count on one thing as people... that we will do what is in our best interests, whether we know it or not. We are all wired this way. Even our most noble decisions and actions still tie back to what we know will be best for "us".

Anyone have thoughts on this? I'd be curious to hear them.

Good stuff from Seth

Another gem from Seth Godin. Think about your place in life. Would you do it the same? Are you doing yourself justice or is there a better version of you that we haven't seen yet? Is the the best you can do with your life, or are there better things in store? If so.... what are you waiting for?

Changing Title

I'm changing the name of this blog. Why? I don't like being boxed in or defined by my past. Yeah, I grew up as a preacher's kid. But it was not a bad experience, and it hasn't defined me as a person. It's just another experience that has helped mold me, but by no means defines me. I'm more than that. And I'm happy with who I am. So I'm changing the title. And my blog will be even more narcissistic than ever. All Phil, all the time!!

Battle Tested

I often confuse my anxiety about my situation in life for doubt and fear. Maybe it's both. For those who know me closely, you know I'm one to take risks. I make emotional decisions with little regard to detail. This has led to a lot of excitement in my life, but it has also cost me stability in many ways.

As I sit and think about the situation I'm in, I think of being battle tested. Maybe this is the real thing, maybe it's not. Either way it hurts.... but it's also good. That's the paradoxical theme of my life lately. Pain, hurt, frustration, overlaying a strange foundation of peace, confidence, and courage. Too often I allow the layers of bad to get too thick and it takes more than shaking it off to relieve myself of the weight.

Once again, I'm looking around for the sledgehammer to crash down on me. Maybe it already has but I'm too battle tested and hardened to know it. This is a good thing. When I can take the blows of life in stride and keep moving forward... that is when I know I'm ready.

Controversy

I was looking at the responses to my previous posts and noticed the ones that seemed the most "controversial" were the ones most commented on. I think the trend would be to continue that on for the sake of popularity. However, that's won't be the case here. I have found that many times we do things out of our need to be accepted, or at least recognized. I've lived most of my life that way. My concern for others opinions is both a strength and a weakness.

Have you ever wondered why you get along best with those who share similar tastes? Ever notice how a controversial topic is more enjoyable when discussed among people who agree with you, but not completely? The inverse would be someone who agrees with very little of what you have to say... but those conversations are usually avoided (speaking of myself here.) The moment I find myself justifying my position or defending my thought... i have stopped the process of learning for that moment. It's in listening, not sharing, where we can grow. Just some food for thought.

A Must Read

This post is a "must read" for anyone involved with the church. It connects the dots of effective communication and the disconnect with churches.

A Light Came On

I had the opportunity to have a couple of discussions this weekend that left me in a weird state of mind. Over the last year, I have made quite the effort to rid myself of the incessant need to analyze and rationalize everything that has to do with God and spirituality. I have a tendency to swing to extremes (not a surprise for anyone who knows me) and lately I've been wondering why I spent so much time studying philosophy and theology, if I wasn't able to apply any of it in my life. Things such as being a dad, a husband, a friend, and a follower of Christ seemed to not mesh well with a consistent need to filter my ideas and thoughts through the lens of philosophy and theology.

However, this seemed to be a bit extreme to me. I have a lot of things that brew inside my head. Ideas that are just begging to come out, but I don't seem to have the same audience here to bounce them off of. For this reason, I've pushed them aside and only focused on the here and the now. The "existential" side of life. My experience and feelings.

This weekend was a breath of fresh air. I got to ask questions that I haven't asked in a while... but had been brewing for a long time. No, I didn't receive any answers for these questions, but that's okay. I also got great answers for other questions I had and was able to tie together some thoughts I had with my experiences and feelings.

I'm not sure yet why this is significant. But deep down I know it is. Have you ever felt that way? You know something big is going on inside, but you can't put your finger on it? Sometimes it comes to light in a "moment", and other times you look back over months or years and then see the significance. I love that about life. You never know what you're going to get.

Taking A Stand

I have spent some time over the past couple of posts being a bit critical of the self-indulgent arguing that tends to happen around points of theology, spirituality, etc. In the same vein, I'd like to ask one more question.

Why do we feel the need to take a stand on any and every issue? What is with people's discomfort of "grey" areas or the unknown? Do we value our opinions so much that to think leaving a conclusion up to the individual is a bad thing? Even worse, someone might not agree with us.(sarcasm)

Great books are great. But Free great books are better.

I just wanted to let everyone in on this precious resource for excellent leadership and business information. Oh and it's all free. Please take advantage of this resource.

absolute Truth?

What does this phrase mean? Notice the capitalization in the title. There is debate and discussion amongst scholars on the differences between (T)ruth and (t)ruth. It's like the difference between macro and micro-evolution. Many people claim that there is no "absolute" truth. Just as people claim there is no such thing as "macro" evolution (evolution from one species to another). Without digressing into this discussion, I often wonder what the fuss is all about. I get very tired of arguing for the sake of arguing. It becomes self-indulgent and fruitless on many levels. More than that.. don't you think this is a "huge" turn-off for those on the outside looking in? Why do we continue tarnishing an already tarnished image of Christianity?

Warning: If you stop reading after this next paragraph... you may think I'm a heretic. Is it good practice to disregard someone before finishing what they've written? (we can be so quick to judge right?)

A new trend in theology debates is a tactic called "minimal facts approach" to theology. What they do is take the bare essential of what secular and Christian scholars agree as "facts" about things like the resurrection of Christ. This eliminates the bible as a source, among other highly debated sources. What they are left with are the minimal facts as accepted by the majority of scholars and then an argument is built out of these facts. It is incredibly effective and I highly encourage you to read Dr. Habermas' book. So what does this have to do with my post, right? I think we need to take the same approach with absolute Truth. We need to acknowledge that although we do believe in these things (absolute Truths), we can't prove they exist.

Now if you stop reading here... I'm sure the word "heretic" has come to mind. (or maybe because I just put it there) Let me explain. The fact is, we can't prove this statement one way or another. We would need omniscience to know if absolute truths were possible. I realize that our faith rests upon the bedrock of absolute truth. And I'm not denying that there are absolute Truths. What I'm saying is that if anyone asks me to prove it.. I'm stumped. I can't do it. I can't cover all of history, or eternity, or cover every corner case, or explore every possible scenario, option, or possibility that could lend itself to being wrong. I'm human. I don't have the capacity.

Understand... there is a huge difference between "there are no absolute Truths" and "I can't prove that absolute Truths exist." So why do we try so hard to rail against these things when everyone else has come to this conclusion? I think it makes us look a little dumb. I think it makes us look a little arrogant. Who are we to think we have knowledge of the infinite. Why do we feel the need to argue things we can't prove? Why not approach these things with humility and understanding?

Yes, I believe in absolute Truth. Yes, I believe it is a critical part of my faith. But no, I can't show you the existence of these things. That is where faith comes in. As I stated in my last post, it's far time to stop making our "voice" the priority and start approaching these conversations with an open ear and a humble heart. Earn your voice and don't just think that yelling louder will get you an audience or influence. Who is this all about anyways? Do we rail and argue to convince someone else... or is it "us" who still needs convincing?

Problem of Evil (not again!)

In the last several years, I have spent a lot of time thinking about and studying this issue that rears it's ugly head from time to time. For those who don't know what this problem is, it's a difficulty in reconciling the love of God with evil and suffering in this world. Whether that's through a natural disaster, or a tyrant, or just bad things that happen to people, there are many that wonder why a "good" and "loving" God would allow these things to happen.

As a renewed Christian, I have a hope and trust in God that his plans and purposes are bigger than mine. When I was an agnostic, this disappeared and in that frame of mind, faith and hope were not options I was willing to consider.

The true difficulty of this problem is that you can't convince someone who doesn't recognize God as we do, that God has a plan and purpose that far outweighs the pain and suffering in this world. It's not an acceptable argument to them because your foundation of truth is not the same as theirs. You're speaking French to an Englishman. And vice versa. No amount of "proof" will sway one person over the other.

Does anyone see my point here? Why do we think repetition and turning up the volume will some how lead to conversion or agreement? Sure, there are cases where people have changed their mind, but when it comes to matters of God and spirituality, isn't it best to let our actions be our words. And let the truth we speak come from the mind of God, scripture (and not our version of what it says), rather than from a clever argument we found in a book? People on both sides are tired of arguing. Next time you are in a discussion around a topic like this, make sure to take more time to "listen" to the other side, then making sure your voice is heard. This has a greater impact than anything you could "argue".

Marketing in Churches?

We often think of "marketing" as synonymous with "advertising". A lot of churches have a subversive reaction to the term "marketing". As if God needed to market/advertise Himself or His church. Right? Wrong. Marketing is how people view you, your church, your business. From how someone is treated walking into your doors, to the person who answers your phones; all are involved in marketing. And if I have taken away anything over my journey to agnosticism and back, it's that Christianity has an image problem. How do people view your church?

We, as Christians, are the marketing arm for Jesus. We represent him in all that we do. From the way we speak to people, to the way we drive on the freeway (i just prayed for forgiveness for this morning's commute). What message am I sending to those who are "window shopping" for religion?